Joe fell asleep in death in my arms at age 16, from kidney failure, and other complications. He was a good boy.
Today is a bad, bad day.
Tag: Pets
UPDATE – Joe’s home
Joe Schmoe got to come home from the vet. I am over joyed and still in shock. He wasn’t bad enough to be euthanized, the vet said.
He has a bad skin condition and he’s very over weight. He’s old as dirt but otherwise HEALTHY and doesn’t need to be put to sleep.
His back pain can be managed by weight loss and his skin issues have two pills a day. There’s a food change as well but that should not be that too expensive.
The vet asked if there had been any changes in the house and I mentioned my nurse leaving. He seemed to have a strong response to her leaving. I don’t know what that means. She commented that changes affect pets as well as people. He could feel loss.
Joe Schmoe got to come home. I’m beside myself.
I was so all over the place that I vomited. I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. It was like I’d just won the lottery only better, like I’d gotten a second chance with someone, a resurrection of sorts. They gave him back to me. I can’t tell you how much I need this cat. Not a cat, *this* cat, Joe Schmoe.
There’s something to the depression thing after the last nurse was fired for saying I’m not disabled. He seemed affected by it. I did notice it I did. I feel guilty that I can’t keep a nurse for various reasons.
I feel bad that some of my friendships are rocky, one in particular. But that friendship is fizzling out. I’m letting it die down while others I’m growing and enjoying.
The world is still a dumpster fire. North Carolina got hit hard. Tampa is evacuating. Friends of mine here in Indiana are helping with emergency housing. I can’t help with emergency housing but I have a tiny few extra dollars I can donate for relief. I have and I will continue to do so.
I’m exhausted. Relieved. I want to pour my heart out I’m so happy he gets to stay. I’ve got to close my eyes. I’m way overly stimulated.
Faith
Continued Improvement.
Joe is still very clingy and needs a lot of reassurance. He’s got some issues but nothing like before where death seemed imminent.
Back when death looked imminent and he was laying under the bed with his little head out I said, “Michael Joseph, If I did anything to contribute to this, please forgive me.” I was thinking of the supplements or anything he could possibly have stepped in and cleaned off himself. I blame myself for everything, it only seemed normal to say, if this is my fault …
Well, I didn’t think it would make much of a difference, but I took him completely off that one supplement I had him on for dry skin. A few days later Joe looked a bit better but I wasn’t sure if it was just me. Now several more days later I know it’s not just me! Joe looks better! He spends a little time with me instead of under the bed. He’s mouthy again too. Lol
We have a little over 2 weeks before the vet. I’ll continue to reassure, observe and keep him comfortable. This is too much emotion! My heart can’t take this!
Michael Joseph Austin aka Joe Schmoe is 16 yrs old. He’s my little sidekick and my one employee . He often sleeps on the job though.
Faith
Joe update
Joe Schmoe update.
I stopped giving him this several days ago. Not going to say it was this, just saying I stopped giving it to him.
I WANT to say he looks better. He’s out from under the bed more.
He’s slow in the morning.
He didn’t recognize me at one point and got down low in attack mode, looking me in the eyes like I was a stranger. I left the area because I wasn’t sure if he was going to jump on me or not.
At a different time he didn’t recognize the caregiver that he loves so much. It took about an hour before he recognized her.
Its one day at a time to the vet next month. Still doing what I was told to do – observe, keep him comfortable. (sigh)
I made a sale. That’ll go directly to vet care coming up. Thank you. Thank you in advance for anyone who might be considering a purchase at www.Sundrip.etsy.com.
Faith
Chatter – Rip The Heart Out
CONTENT – My cat Joe is dying. Friend always contradicts me. (Changing meds.)
It’s been difficult watching Michael Joseph become weaker and weaker, sleep more and more. It’s tearing me up. I don’t know what to do with the anxiety sometimes.
I’m working on several art projects. I’m successfully working with my CNA. I’m successfully writing letters. I’m holding up my end of things and I’m proud of that. But I’m anxious as I watch my little guy grow weak and cry out in pain. He literally sounded like a cow mooing. It tore through me! My baby Joe Schmoe isn’t well! I can’t take it.
It’s interesting, the very first reaction is to distrust my instincts and listen to others but I’ve thrown that away. I’m his mother. I clean his litter box every day. I brush him every day. I feed him every day and remind him that he’s the mascot of Sundrip so act right little king! lol I hold him. I cuddle him. It’s me he sees day in and day out. We went through the lock down together. I KNOW JOE SCHMOE very well. Seeing him deteriorate is heartbreaking. My God!
Faith
A double shot of usefulness
I’ve not shown off my Philodendron Hope plant in awhile. It’s growing out of two Betta tanks.
I’m going to clip it back soon and allow certain leaves to mature. It’ll look nicer cut back.
I have hope.
There’s no doubt about the hope I have, but the path to it feels difficult at times. Fear is enemy number one.
I know I have hope. I’m just having a hard time keeping my fingers on it.
Maybe it should be enough, the fact that I can see it and know it’s within arms reach.
Well, in typical artist fashion, I’ve got several projects in different stages all going at once. Still, I’m encouraged by the “I Believe” piece.
It seems to carry the same symbols as two other pieces, which is very interesting to me.
I’m so happy to be making art just for me! And I so love that one young girl’s hair is 3 hearts instead of round puffs. 🙂
OMGoodness I have fallen in love with collaging entire works with my own art scraps. How satisfying!
It makes me smile to paint here in this little place I’ve created; sipping tea, dabbing paint brushes, writing letters and such. Recently a naysayer called the entire apartment an ecosystem. He has no idea how happy that makes a girl like me.
I enjoy waking up to meaning, purpose and usefulness in my little ecosystem- apartment. I could use a double shot of usefulness about now.
Covid update – still running a fever. Unproductive cough, mostly at night. I still break out in a sweat which feels different from hot flashes. I have GI issues, a rash on my back, my scalp inexplicably itches, too. My blood pressure has dipped so low that I’ve passed out.
I ordered supplies from Amazon since getting to the store is out of the question. Coconut water, cheerios and of course jello were among many of the supplies. Why do I love jello so much?
Please excuse me, I’ve got some cuddling to do before the day begins.
Faith
Life Today
My hospital bed allows me to sleep well. I can lift the head and feet which helps me rest.
Joe turned 15 on the first. Come April my CNA will have been here for a full year. She treats me well. I have a CNA on Saturday too. I like her a lot.
I have a trip in May but a good friend of mine suggested we go to New York in September so I’m saving up. I’ve started using the piggy bank to bank roll the New York trip.
My new recliner is more than I could have asked for. I was going to purchase one. I even had one picked out, but friends came up with a free chair for me. It sits well and lets me raise my legs. I’m so thrilled. Joe sits with me either on the arm or between my feet.
The money I would have spent on a recliner I put towards a new manual wheelchair. The old one I had for six years is being donating for parts.
I’m comfortable. My heart is at rest and I’m fully in the moment. I’m grateful for today.
Faith
This week in photos: Stress. Pets. Art.
Joe has finally won over the CNA. She likes him quite a bit. Joe doesn’t climb in the chair she usually sits in but he does rest under it now.
I’ve been doing more art with Scriptures and scriptural thoughts. This little 8×5-ish painting is for a good friend of mine in Arizona.
I’ve got to work on spacing out my lettering better.
Rosie is taking a bath in the 30 gallon, over grown, terrarium. Today on a group there was a free gecko. It took everything I had not to inquire. 🙂
I think as my buddy gets older I fear losing him.
I thought getting a younger cat now might make the inevitable, tolerable. But then there’s the possibility it’ll just stress Joe.
Joe is only 14 but that’s nothing to sneeze at …….. He’s been letting me pick him up and hold him a little longer, which is great for me. If I talk to him he’ll let me hold him longer but I find it difficult to chatter at pets.
I’m in love with my raw beads! I used brown Sculpy mixed with yellow FIMO that dries like leather. Just to put them in a safe spot, I slid them on a piece of leather. It looks pretty good. I put it on my vase holding my arrowhead plants.
Painting rocks and making beads is so relaxing.
Here are a few photos of me on ‘outing day’. Next week I’m going to CC’s Pizza. I’m getting out a lot more and loving it.
I’ve got company this weekend. It should be nice. Lol I feel like a bit of a social butterfly again.
Until soon,
Faith
Bad Things Happen to Good People
It’s sobering to think that no matter what we do or don’t do, bad things happen, sometimes in rapid succession.
There’s an historic example of a man who lost loved ones, employees, finances and his health in no time flat. When I think about his life before disasters struck, I can see he did everything right, then blam! When reading that account there’s something I noticed, something I missed about it 5 years ago. He asked a lot of questions to help him understand his situation.
This poor guy got a lot of flack from people who should have supported him but didn’t. True help came from an unexpected sourse. But what gives me pause is how the gentleman handled himself during the entire nightmare. He listened more than he spoke. That’s significant for me right now.
I have so much going on with my health that I wonder how much one body and one mind is supposed to take? I’m not alone in piling up devastations.
I’m shocked and horrified by what my friend from the hospital in 2018 has gone through. It’s not bad enough she has Lupus, was on life support, had a stroke, had to relearn everything from being paralyzed to the point she was only able to move her pinky finger. Do you know the fight it takes to come back from that?
She spent significant time in a nursing home which is where we met. After she left and hoped to move forward, she had cancer and needed a double mastectomy! All without the support of her parents, for whom she openly grieves. Really?! Can our girl please have a break, too?
I think I understand even better why it’s best to take life one day at a time. I make arrangements then do day to day battle towards the fulfillment of the arrangements / goals. A day at a time is hard enough. I’m not about to double up on troubles.
As it stands, I’m going to need 2 hip replacements due to avascular-necrosis (AVN), the left is first. I can hardly sleep bc the pain has been high. Sitting can be difficult.
I’m discouraged if not fearful. I don’t want to have a knee jerk reaction to anything but I do want to prepare. I’m so grateful for having a good CNA. Please let her stay!
I’m working to downsize my responsibilities. In addition to selling 5 of my largest plants, I’m going to need to downsize pets before a yet to be scheduled total hip replacement on the left followed by an eventual total hip replacement on the right.
I’m going to rehome my two Madagascar Tomato Frogs as one complete unit. They come with their bioactive terrarium. I placed them on Marketplace and listed the various plant types, hard wood, hides, lights, screen and locks. These were purchased from Josh’s Frogs as early juveniles. They remain healthy at age two.
I hate to see the Tomato Frogs go. There’s no way on earth the 100g White’s Tree Frog terrarium is going anywhere. Don’t even ask lol The only pets being offered are the Tomato Frogs. Everyone else is staying. We already know Joe Schmoe’s place is secure.
Emotionally I feel hopeful about this. I fear having hope that maybe…. maybe with new hips I might walk again. I’m afraid to put my energy into what seems impossible.
As I was writing this, it occurred to me, I shouldn’t feel stupid just because something I hoped for didn’t turn out. For some reason I thought, if I openly hope to walk again but it doesn’t happen, I may feel foolish. And I will have made others hope without pay off for their support. This is wrong. Who wouldn’t hope to walk again? Who? And what friend witholds support because their personal pay off isn’t high enough?
I fear disappointing people. If I don’t walk will I have wasted their time? l honestly feel ashamed that I’m getting ready to put my friends through yet another ordeal. The hip replacement isn’t the ordeal, it’s my blood disorder related to Lupus that has me so worried.
My hope is to listen to the support of my friends without countering it with fear of disappointing them.
I intend to speak less and hear more. I don’t mean silence. I mean that my personal expressions and opinions don’t have to be shared in full, at all times. In my private life, I need to allow others to express themselves more.
There’s a time to speak and a time to listen. If I’m talking to a friend, I’ll hear more and speak less. In a group of people I don’t know well, listen more, speak less. Perhaps by not dominating the conversation I’ll hear the tid bit I need that changes the day from burdensome to manageable.
Faith
Doing new things in this old life
For the moment all is quiet in Frog Mansion. I’m exhausted and frankly over it. I guess the only thing left is for everything to grow in. The frogs are certainly enjoying the extra room.
I put together a 5 gallon aquarium as my prop box for plants I’ll use in building terrariums offered on Marketplace.
Poor Joe had a bad day. He was hurting just like me. I set up a little bed for him with a heating pad that I can set the temperature and the amount of time I want. It may have been overkill but I made sure he had one area cooler than the other so he could move if he wanted less heat. That’s his favorite blanket right there. Fortunately he’s doing much better.
I’ve been able to get out a bit more which has been tiring yet wonderful. I’ll be able to work at the carts that Jehovah’s Witnesses stand at downtown and in public areas. Yay! I’m going to be at the carts. I’m so excited! I love it. I love it. I cleaned the wheelchair really well. Got the wheels shining. Lol
Tonight I was able to laugh and joke with friends. We were all in a huddled in a circle just laughing with each other. It was great.
It’s so helpful to be able to get out of my little home and share with friends and strangers.
Tonight I felt my age which is not common for a multiple. But we were talking about being young in the past tense. We talked about how the young never expect to get older. I especially never thought about all that would stop working at 50. Wow. I think my left knee retired at 50. What happened to my teeth? My eye sight left the building, too. Excuse me but, I’m not ok with my hair thinning! Is it medication taking its toll or menopause, or both? Are my kidneys and heart getting in on the havoc, too? Gracious.
Menopause is still kicking my butt. It’s tearing me up! Wow. I’ve figured out that my symptoms peek every 3 weeks and that the most difficult symptoms to pop up are irritation and rage. That’s harder to manage than the constant brain fog.
Oh my gosh, the cravings. I was all over chocolate for like 2 months now I can’t live without popcorn. I’m stocked up on ACT 2 Extreme Butter as if we’re about to have a popcorn famine. I have to stop bc right now I still don’t have high blood pressure or high cholesterol. That might change if I am unable to get these cravings under control.
Another menopause issue is how easily I gain weight. It’s like the person across the table is eating cake but I’m the one who gains the weight. Due to kidney stuff and other health issues, I don’t even eat but 4 meals out of 7 days. My body is storing fat and water bc of how often it goes without. This has been a problem my entire life.
I am unable to tell when I’m hungry or thirsty. I never recognize hunger until it dawns on me that it’s 9pm and I’ve had nothing at all to eat. Today’s water intake is less than 20 oz of fluids. It’s not good at all.
I grab a cup of jello or apple sauce then go to bed. That’s it, for days in a row. I would be lying if I said I’m going to try to do better.
For some reason, the thought of using an alarm to remind myself to eat angers me. It feels like I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do, use energy to make something to eat. After the hospitalization it became difficult to eat alone. I don’t know. It’s not good.
Art. I’m working on details in my new paintings. I’m correcting lines, adding cross hatching and shadows.
One painting is complete. I’m so happy about that.
I’ve been processing the amputation in art. The above painting shows an amputation as well as another piece I started.
For the first time in forever, I need paint. It feels odd buying art supplies for some reason. I wonder if I’ll feel the same excitement when opening the Amazon box? I guess we’ll see.
Well, while nothing in this life is perfect, I’ve got few complaints right now. I’m ok, I think.
Faith