Joe is a guardian cat. A watching feline. A gentle whiskered friend whom I adore. It’s just that sometimes the psychosis pushes me away from him a little, away from people a little. I want to isolate.
I have to force myself to accept this new mental weirdness and fear. I wear paranoia. I’m dripping in it. I only know to fill my cup and clean my paint brushes. Art it out!
Covid-19 handed me a fever high enough to leave permanent hallucinations and damage, for which I feel shame. But my cat Joe still finds me palatable to love and be seen cuddling, openly. His love gives me a little more strength to keep going.
What goes in your cup of trials and stress to dilute it so you can do one more day ? 🙂
For the moment all is quiet in Frog Mansion. I’m exhausted and frankly over it. I guess the only thing left is for everything to grow in. The frogs are certainly enjoying the extra room.
I put together a 5 gallon aquarium as my prop box for plants I’ll use in building terrariums offered on Marketplace.
Poor Joe had a bad day. He was hurting just like me. I set up a little bed for him with a heating pad that I can set the temperature and the amount of time I want. It may have been overkill but I made sure he had one area cooler than the other so he could move if he wanted less heat. That’s his favorite blanket right there. Fortunately he’s doing much better.
I’ve been able to get out a bit more which has been tiring yet wonderful. I’ll be able to work at the carts that Jehovah’s Witnesses stand at downtown and in public areas. Yay! I’m going to be at the carts. I’m so excited! I love it. I love it. I cleaned the wheelchair really well. Got the wheels shining. Lol
Tonight I was able to laugh and joke with friends. We were all in a huddled in a circle just laughing with each other. It was great.
It’s so helpful to be able to get out of my little home and share with friends and strangers.
Tonight I felt my age which is not common for a multiple. But we were talking about being young in the past tense. We talked about how the young never expect to get older. I especially never thought about all that would stop working at 50. Wow. I think my left knee retired at 50. What happened to my teeth? My eye sight left the building, too. Excuse me but, I’m not ok with my hair thinning! Is it medication taking its toll or menopause, or both? Are my kidneys and heart getting in on the havoc, too? Gracious.
Menopause is still kicking my butt. It’s tearing me up! Wow. I’ve figured out that my symptoms peek every 3 weeks and that the most difficult symptoms to pop up are irritation and rage. That’s harder to manage than the constant brain fog.
Oh my gosh, the cravings. I was all over chocolate for like 2 months now I can’t live without popcorn. I’m stocked up on ACT 2 Extreme Butter as if we’re about to have a popcorn famine. I have to stop bc right now I still don’t have high blood pressure or high cholesterol. That might change if I am unable to get these cravings under control.
Another menopause issue is how easily I gain weight. It’s like the person across the table is eating cake but I’m the one who gains the weight. Due to kidney stuff and other health issues, I don’t even eat but 4 meals out of 7 days. My body is storing fat and water bc of how often it goes without. This has been a problem my entire life.
I am unable to tell when I’m hungry or thirsty. I never recognize hunger until it dawns on me that it’s 9pm and I’ve had nothing at all to eat. Today’s water intake is less than 20 oz of fluids. It’s not good at all.
I grab a cup of jello or apple sauce then go to bed. That’s it, for days in a row. I would be lying if I said I’m going to try to do better.
For some reason, the thought of using an alarm to remind myself to eat angers me. It feels like I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do, use energy to make something to eat. After the hospitalization it became difficult to eat alone. I don’t know. It’s not good.
Art. I’m working on details in my new paintings. I’m correcting lines, adding cross hatching and shadows.
This is complete
One painting is complete. I’m so happy about that.
I llike the butterfly on her wrist
I’ve been processing the amputation in art. The above painting shows an amputation as well as another piece I started.
For the first time in forever, I need paint. It feels odd buying art supplies for some reason. I wonder if I’ll feel the same excitement when opening the Amazon box? I guess we’ll see.
Well, while nothing in this life is perfect, I’ve got few complaints right now. I’m ok, I think.
Art. I’ve continued to work on the three paintings. I’ve been able to sketch to help with anxiety and menopausal fueled rage. That’s been an issue for sure but I’m searching for ways to manage it.
The essential oil called Peace and Calming by Young Living has been instrumental in helping me not lose it when stupidity finds me. Stupidity always finds me. Menopausal rage and stupidity don’t mix well. I’m all but huffing Peace and Calming or their Lavender essential oil to remain calm …. and out of jail. I told my nurse practitioner that I’m going to end up in jail with how upset I can get over stupidity. I said, I can’t afford jail. She said, there’s always crowd funding. That is solid medical advice. Lol
One of the issues with painting is privacy. There is very little privacy in an efficiency apartment which means people can see artwork that’s drying. People can be so critical of my art and I’m very sensitive to such criticism. I want to give myself a little more privacy and shield myself from unwanted viewers by installing a curtain that completely sections off the bedroom area. I’m purchasing this on the 3rd so I don’t feel so exposed. I can put drying art in the bedroom area behind the curtain and feel a lot more private. Only having a nurse’s aide 3x a week has been helpful bc it provides more private time.
Frog Mansion is in the works. This project is huge! I’m waiting until I have more money and I’m a tad bit more organized to start making everything permanent in this set up.
It’s going to be insane keeping the glass clean. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by size of the tank and of the project itself. I think once I get the drainage layer in (which I have obsessed over) and lay down the substrate I’ll feel a lot better. Today I learned I should add active charcoal to the soil instead of putting it with the leca in my drainage layer. I’ll do that.
If you zoom in you can see my frog Lentil sitting on a tree branch, halfway down, to the left. Here’s a close up of my girl sleeping.
I have no idea why Joe is sitting this way. He’s an odd boy. LOL
I’ve been isolated with Joe since March 2020. He’s been here for 3 years now. Now when I leave he cries at the door. When I come back he’s clingy. Still, I’m enjoying our relationship. He’s such a good studio cat and wonderful, cuddly friend – even if he does love the wine colored blanket more than me. He traded me for a soft blanket so I call him trader Joe.
Possibilities. Last but not least, while my current CNA is frightened by flying bugs like gnats, she’s full on for me getting a tarantula. And yes, she absolutely can bring her snake to work, though I doubt she will. Just let me put my cat up first. Lol
There’s a strong possibility that I’ll get a spider but I doubt it’ll be a tarantula. There was some talk about another praying mantid or snails. Those are the pets we’re considering for the not so distant future. 🙂 We’ll see.
Any entries with snake or spider photos will have a clear title so as not to shock anybody.
While learning to live in a COVID world, I’ve begun to venture out and meet new people. I met a woman who was in the segregated south and was living in the thick of historic moments many only read about.
I’m grateful for the loyal love and patience shown to me at this pivotal moment in my life.
My friends love me enough to want to rescue me. They love me enough not to, but to instead walk with me or offer guidance.
I’m grateful for personal acupuncture and vagus nerve therapies. Some of the therapies associated with my ears have stopped panic attacks within one minute. I wear an adjustable helix or daith cuff (ear cuff) to assist with pain management.
I purchased a Trigger Point Stimulator Tool which I highly recommend. It’s been helpful in relaxing neck and side muscles. Sciatica be gone! The one I purchased explains that there are “two crystals inside will create a small electrical stimulus that mimics acupuncture and helps release trapped energy.”
I have enjoyed more peace of mind as of late than I have in a long time. Peace of mind and happiness are not a constant state of being, instead an accumulation of moments.
I’m grateful for plants. I so love plants! They help me focus my thoughts and do something positive with my anxious energy.
Joe has turned out to be a wonderful service animal. I had to look it up if cats can detect and alert illness because it sounds so strange but, three times Joe has loudly demanded that I wake up.
The other day was the 3rd time he insisted loudly, with screeching, that I wake up. I knew what he was doing so I sat on the edge of the bed. I used my rescue inhaler then took all my vitals.
From Senior Cat Wellness
Long story short, he woke me while I was having an asthma attack with terribly low blood pressure and very fast heart rate. When my sitting heart rate went above 106, Joe began to alert me with that horrible screech.
To prevent me from going anywhere, Joe parked himself behind the wheel of the wheelchair and refused to move. He was clearly focused on me with huge, huge pupils.
Begging for ice-cream
When I had to use the restroom I carefully got in the chair. Joe walked beside the chair all the way to the restroom as if he was escorting me. Maybe an hour later I was so tired that I had to sleep. I felt comfortable sleeping bc Joe was watching over me.
Joe with a paw on my leg
How on earth did I score a senior cat who can naturally detect pulmonary issues? I couldn’t be more grateful.
As Joe Schmoe recovers he’s getting away with murder. LOL This furry, green eyed boy seriously rules me.
Joe prefers the right side of the bed, well that’s also the side I want to sleep on. If he’s already sleeping there I won’t move him I’ll just sigh and grumble as I sleep on the left. If he’s sleeping comfortably on the blanket I’ll wait for him to get up.
When I was making all sorts of concessions and adjustments for the boy I knew then I’m wrapped around his paw, tightly.
I can get wrapped up in the blankets like a burrito hugging a pillow, but my zen moment will be interrupt by his paws walking across my back and over my head. He’ll ignore 3 other pillows just to try to fit himself in the crook of my arm hugging the pillow. Several times I’ve given him that pillow and hugged another only to have him find a way to be part of the moment. Lol
Joe, the Sundrip studio cat, is definitely improving since his stroke. He was so…. absent for awhile….. physically alive yet absent. It’s a relief to see his personality come out.
Joe is back to
thinking his food bowl is empty bc he ate a hole in the middle and he can now see the bottom of the bowl.
to standing half hidden behind a curtain in some creepy stalker way, observing me from a far, as I use the restroom.
Resumed his hobby of bombing Zoom meetings
and critiquing my art. He takes his job as studio cat very seriously.
