Category: The People Behind My Eyes

Continued Improvement.

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Joe is still very clingy and needs a lot of reassurance. He’s got some issues but nothing like before where death seemed imminent.

Back when death looked imminent and he was laying under the bed with his little head out I said, “Michael Joseph, If I did anything to contribute to this, please forgive me.” I was thinking of the supplements or anything he could possibly have stepped in and cleaned off himself. I blame myself for everything, it only seemed normal to say, if this is my fault …

Well, I didn’t think it would make much of a difference, but I took him completely off that one supplement I had him on for dry skin. A few days later Joe looked a bit better but I wasn’t sure if it was just me. Now several more days later I know it’s not just me! Joe looks better! He spends a little time with me instead of under the bed. He’s mouthy again too. Lol

We have a little over 2 weeks before the vet. I’ll continue to reassure, observe and keep him comfortable. This is too much emotion! My heart can’t take this!

Michael Joseph Austin aka Joe Schmoe is 16 yrs old. He’s my little sidekick and my one employee . He often sleeps on the job though.

Faith

Joe update

Posted on by Faith

Joe Schmoe update.

I stopped giving him this several days ago. Not going to say it was this, just saying I stopped giving it to him.

I WANT to say he looks better. He’s out from under the bed more.
He’s slow in the morning.

He didn’t recognize me at one point and got down low in attack mode, looking me in the eyes like I was a stranger. I left the area because I wasn’t sure if he was going to jump on me or not.

At a different time he didn’t recognize the caregiver that he loves so much. It took about an hour before he recognized her.

Its one day at a time to the vet next month. Still doing what I was told to do – observe, keep him comfortable. (sigh)

I made a sale. That’ll go directly to vet care coming up. Thank you. Thank you in advance for anyone who might be considering a purchase at www.Sundrip.etsy.com.

Faith

Delicate Leaves – African Violet Emotional Breakdown of 2024

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Dr D asked how I was able to manage the trash three times? Honestly, it was mind bending hard. I went back three times because I felt like I’d failed or like I had something to prove. She said I threw it away to hurt her. I had to get it back.

I got a second text saying despite retrieving the plant, my efforts were not enough. It felt like I’d been punched in the chest. But that was the end of my emotional loan to the situation. It’s a plant. If she needs to go off the deep end over the plant then so be it but I’m jumping off the train. I will not argue over this. No response to texts about this mess.

This friendship isn’t over despite Dr D suggesting it might need to work towards that way. No. It needs a little break while she gets her mind right. He said, she’s going to do it again, then what? I said, yes she is, because unlike me she doesn’t have a PhD every week. This puts me at an advantage in the friendship.

As far as how I got through dealing with the trash, I planned it out. First I dressed for it. I had friends to call. I kept in mind my up coming appointment with my psychiatrist and psychologist on the same day. I have a certified nurses aide daily.

I was well covered to take the risk of going in the trash. I didn’t do it without back up or coping skills. Am I ok? No. But I’m not in hospital crisis. I’m not self harming. Things will calm down with a few art pieces and a few pots of tea.

Faith

The African Violet Emotional Breakdown of 2024

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I’m not totally bashing this person because I know I’ve done what she did yesterday.

Her aunt had a small box of plants for me to adopt bc she’s going into a nursing home. Most of the plants were in rough shape. When I saw the African Violet with dull green – gray leaves but a desert dry root I tossed it thinking it was dead. Thus started the African Violet Emotional Breakdown of 2024.

The thing was the size of a silver dollar but that’s not important. What’s important are the over use of emotion and manipulation used concerning this silver dollar sized madness that I agreed to go dig out of my trash the next day.

So today is the next day. I took the trash out of the bag three times, transferring it from one to the other because she said this plant was “entrusted” to me and if she’d known I’d just throw it away she’d have kept it. She’s “grieved” and needs to “heal from the loss of the plant. ‘ The aunt is alive!

Dressed like I have OSHA training, I looked through the trash three times. I sorted through trash with BBQ sauce on it, coffee grounds, ketchup, plant soil and everything else. I was ready to give up when she sorta came into view.

The friend said she tends to love things like plants and animals instead of people. I told her. You know I have obsessive compulsive disorder. It was love for you that I went through the trash three times. It had nothing to do with the plant. It had nothing to do with how you worded your text.

How do you grieve a small plant but not think twice about my disorder? You said I didn’t understand you but where was it you gave me understanding? Did you stop and think how difficult getting in the trash would be?

All this over the top emotion is too much for this situation. You said you lost sleep over me tossing what appeared to be a lifeless silver dollar size African Violet in the trash. I lost sleep because I’ve got real problems. My cat isn’t well.

Faith

Chatter – Rip The Heart Out

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CONTENT – My cat Joe is dying. Friend always contradicts me. (Changing meds.)

It’s been difficult watching Michael Joseph become weaker and weaker, sleep more and more. It’s tearing me up. I don’t know what to do with the anxiety sometimes.

I’m working on several art projects. I’m successfully working with my CNA. I’m successfully writing letters. I’m holding up my end of things and I’m proud of that. But I’m anxious as I watch my little guy grow weak and cry out in pain. He literally sounded like a cow mooing. It tore through me! My baby Joe Schmoe isn’t well! I can’t take it.

It’s interesting, the very first reaction is to distrust my instincts and listen to others but I’ve thrown that away. I’m his mother. I clean his litter box every day. I brush him every day. I feed him every day and remind him that he’s the mascot of Sundrip so act right little king! lol I hold him. I cuddle him. It’s me he sees day in and day out. We went through the lock down together. I KNOW JOE SCHMOE very well. Seeing him deteriorate is heartbreaking. My God!

Faith

The Deluge – Now in Etsy

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The Deluge is complete and is in my Etsy shop. One of the things I point out about the balance. The woman standing has legs and feet that are wound around. Each foot meets a tiger lily, a child and a purple flower in full bloom.

It is haunting in some areas. Those are the areas to leave behind. Those are the areas of the past that I can’t take with me to the future that I am building here. I’m not going to another planet. I’m right here. But some of these things need to swim free because they no longer have a place here.

If you visit my Etsy it’s worded better 🙂 You may also purchase through PayPal. Please see appropriate email address on the contact me area.

Thank you for listening,

Faith

To Jorge II, With Love

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Remember the brown Dr Martens I was super in love with? I purchased them after someone gave a surprise donation via PayPal?

Well, I had to go back for the black ones 🙂

These shoes are very amputee friendly. I can dress myself which is huge. I feel so normal and like myself in them. There’s nothing about them that’s been altered to fit that ever changing stump. I now have two really cool shoes that expand just right.

I even got the black shoes nearly half off.

Dr. Martens for the win, again. I swear I want to write him a letter and tell him how his shoes make me feel normal. I wont cause that’s weird, but I’m really happy this style hit the market.

I’m also grateful for fun compression socks 🙂 Fun compression socks and these shoes? I don’t know what to do with myself!

Faith

Rough Start. Grace to End.

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When all else fails, buy flowers.

My CNA and I like each other very much. She said she’s here to stay. I believe her. But today was rough. She’s got a personal crisis. Instead of continuing to argue, right in the middle of the situation I said, I call grace. I choose to give grace.

I know something isn’t quite right. I’m not going to argue or raise my tone or question you. It’s over. I choose grace. She said nothing and got in the car to take me to the store where I found these beautiful discounted flowers.

Something very bad has happened in my aide’s life. I think I know what it is. I pray it isn’t. That’s way too hard to deal with. No flower can cover it.

Today I reassured her that I enjoy her company and like working with her. She smiled and said, I’ll see you tomorrow.

She doesn’t need nearly as much reassurance as I do.

I have a certified nurses aide with 30 years experience. I actually have quality care.

She’s African American, my age. We mesh well. We are polar opposites. My goodness she’s unorganized. Her car is so unorganized it makes me suicidal! I’ve never in my life… oh the chaos. The odd couple. But it works and it works well. I’m grateful for that.

I have prayed that I will learn a little more about humility * each time * I visit with my young Bible student or my CNA . Six days a week I’ve got an opportunity to mold myself into a better me by seeing my CNA.

I will style myself to be more gentle, slower with the heavy sarcasm, listen more, ask deeper questions, pause before I speak. I’ve got six opportunities where I can learn new skills.

My CNA may be professionally unorganized but she’s got humility down pat. There is much I intend to learn by her her. I won’t waste this opportunity.

Faith

Face It: The Advocate

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Many years ago I painted with a computer program. I painted stroke by stroke instead of with filters, making each line very personal. I printed off postcard art and offered it under my name, Sundrip. It was many years and many experiences ago.

Recently I found a stack of the post cards in an old box and began doodling on them. The Advocate came about, so did the idea to continue to mark up, up cycle and alter my own art piece.

I’ve created a section in my shop called Face It. You’ll find just a few original postcards offered for a short time and the altered Face It pieces. The piece that’s in there now is called The Advocate. It’s different from the original in that the colors are deeper, the walls are fuller and if they could talk, they’d have a lot to say.

Here’s the original postcard art from 2007.

Introducing The Advocate in 2024

The Advocate

A figure stands on a purple platform looking down. Purple is used to advocate for domestic violence, Dementia / Alzheimers, Fibromyalgia, Lupus and other systemic illnesses. The platform symbolizes the person’s difficulties that he or she must face. Who will speak?

The postcard is original art by me but there will be many altered Face It Postcard Series pieces. Each will be a one of a kind.

Etsy is where you’ll find me 🙂

Faith

Decrystallize Honey With A Coffee Mug Warmer

Posted on by Faith

I found a jar of honey in an old supplies from the pandemic era. It had crystallized.

I didn’t want to go through the trouble of doing the double boiler thing to melt it down and shake it up but I do want it decrystallized. I can’t do the dishwasher method either. That’s where you place the honey in the dishwasher for three cycles and viola, no more crystals. However, I do have a coffee mug warmer, and time.

How it unfolded

  • I kept the lid on the whole time.
  • I saw signs of movement within three minutes.
  • I turned it over several times so it wouldn’t get too hot on a given side.
  • Give it a good shake from time to time.

The full process took about 30 minutes for six ounces of crystallized honey. The honey tastes just like I remember. 🙂 I know exactly why I buy from this particular beekeeper.

There are two beekeeping families with superior products who keep me coming back.

My wonderful full-time caregiver enjoyed the cinnamon and honey I made for her. Now for lavender and honey, lemon and honey, etc. I purchased a quart and the taste sizes are only one ounce so there’s enough to play with. 🙂

Well, I’m off to do end of the month tasks. Try not to worry they say. It’ll all work out they say. I’ve got evening care added on two days a week now, due to memory issues and others from long covid. They’re making sure I eat, too.

Faith