Category: Chronic Pain

Amish Antibiotic Made for the First Time

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I over used Listerine and disrupted the natural balance of bacteria in my body. This caused oral Thrush. Immediately I began my home based care which now includes the Amish Amoxicillin.

So called Amish Amoxicillin is a combination of natural ingredients that I refrigerate upto two weeks. I can, but don’t have, to take up to three tablespoons a day inside food products such as tea and soups. A tablespoon at a time not 3 at one time. So, what’s in it?

Apple cider vinegar, pineapple, whole peeled lemon, garlic and ginger, ceyenne pepper 1/2 teaspoon, black pepper 1/2 teaspoon, yellow turmeric, onion, honey. Below is the recipe.

Just a note. When it comes to peeling veggies, spices, roots, herbs, etc, I’m all for the skin unless it’s going to alter the taste of the dish. Leave the lemon peel off. Benefits don’t justify it’s use. Time doesn’t permit explanation.

I leave the skin on for the ginger. Take it off of the turmeric. I run my garlic through a press and add a tad more apple cider vinegar and honey. After everything has been cut up I put it all in a bullet to blend. There’s no cooking.

This can be used as a tea or in food.

There are many Amish Amoxicillin recipes to choose from. For instance Recipe Realm on Facebook offers a wonderful version. I’m going to give it a try next time.

The good thing about this little antibiotic is that it’s primarily kidney friendly. I say primarily because garlic and turmeric can be an issue for people with type two diabetes who take medicine. High doses of it can interfere with your skilled doctor prescribed medication. This is a helper for the doc not a replacement. It won’t help some.

Be smart

Faith Magdalene’s Sundrip

Paranoia, Fear, OCD and Art

Posted on by F.Magdalene

My caregivers take me in the community regularly. They assume their presence is enough to keep me calm and feeling safe and grounded. I’d say the statement is 75% true. My anxiety after being stalked has risen. It wasn’t a joke. It wasn’t a game. It was a lot longer than a year! And it was violent and intense! I’m happy to be safe now.

I’m not paranoid in my new home any more than I’ve ever been paranoid. I don’t think being stalked changed that level. I’m back to my old fears, obsessions and compulsions in the new place. Like always I’ve kicked into my coping skills.

Reality check – Can I validate my fears? Are they in the realm of possibility?

Grounding. Remind myself of who I am and that I’m safe. My name is XYZ. I’m X yrs old. I’m safe now! I have an friends, an apartment and most of all a future!

Stimulation / Distraction. It’s time to switch the channels. I have a small vile with me that has the tiniest little bit of lavender in it. It’s my on the run aromatherapy. I also carry a small scratch pad to sketch in because art works for me. Earthing, sitting by the fan or just going outside can help eleviate stress and get it back down to a manageable level.

I would not normally suggest using a tablet at the table in a restaurant but I do it regularly now. I’ve done it in line at Ross because the line was long. The new Five Bellow needs to open more registers but this entry isn’t about that LOL. I sketch at any time, any place in order to control the anxiety, especially if I’ve already tried lavender.

Usually by this time the CNA has picked up on my sketching and starts to ask questions. She kicks into CNA mode and we move to the side for just a bit.

There are times when I can catch my breath and we can proceed but other times I just want to go home. In the car my pen moves like crazy.

OCD Getting all my teeth pulled was the single best thing I could have done. The tooth brush was simply too much.

Bidet. Yeah, should have done this a long time ago, too. It’s difficult to use the restroom. Difficult to clean up especially if there are issues.

The disorder is not fun. I’m trying to manage. I see the new psychiatrist August. That feels like… is... forever.

Faith Magdalene

Belly

Posted on by F.Magdalene

Is there even a comfortable position for people with inflamed kidneys? I’ve not found it.

Because I am now predibedic, I’m going to ask my doctor for the DEXCOM system. I’m a 7 but it’s still a problem and we want it worked on.

Faith Magdalene

The Damage. The Appreciation.

Posted on by F.Magdalene

My kidneys are weak but not dead. That’s great news. I’m drinking 64oz of water a day, doctor’s orders. As long as I add a bit of fruit to the water I really don’t mind at all.

I’m in a decent amount of pain because of the inflammation and the rash associated with kidney disease. Who knew the skin could be affected so negatively when the kidneys go down hilll? My back has a nice rash and my legs get so dry that I flake like Tony the Tiger. It’s not great!

There’s been zero art. I look forward to painting in the new place. The new place will also bring two new caregivers because the one I liked so much wasn’t able to continue. In the new place I’ll have a female in the morning and a male aide in the evening. After him I’ll have a person for five hours until midnight. I have overnight care. They’ll lock the door and return in 9 hours.

All that so I can live independently. I appreciate it.

Now for tea.

It’s Just a Foot

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I owe you an apology. Please, wake up, I owe you an apology. I said it was just a foot and not worth dying over because I didn’t understand. Tears swell in my eyes. My lips begin to trimble as I stand before headstone after headstone. Wake up! every Granny, aunt, uncle with a leg, arm, hand or foot they let get too bad until it was too late and tell them I was wrong. It’s not just a foot is it? No. Not when it happens to you. Instantly you understand your humanity.

The wind hesitates. I pretend to breathe. I owe you an apology.

I didn’t know the brain would need to rewire. I didn’t know the fear you’d live in of another amputation, or of physical therapy.

“She’s your nurse” doesn’t contain the impact a stranger has of touching every inch of your body at all times, of dangling fingernails over all your belongings leaving nothing untouched, feeding garbage food you can barely taste because life itself is stale.

Sweetheart wake up. Wake up. I touch another headstone. I didn’t know it would be this hard.

For the living

I’m colder than I’ve ever been. I’ve felt more pain and fear in the last 7 years than the previous years of life. Only 2% of the time do I think to myself, I should have died. Most of the time I’m happy I made it but I’m in the crowd that has to say I was wrong to pass judgment on people who couldn’t see the amputation through. It’s not just a foot. I was young. I didn’t know what I was saying. Who am I to say who does or doesn’t have the strength to endure an amputation?

Faith Magdalene

Validation. Symptoms. Wording.

Posted on by F.Magdalene

A nurse came out to assess me for continued in home nursing. I asked about the difficulties I have with speech but not with reading. She said my speech and memory issues are related to the stroke.

For example, say I may want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I’ll get the bread and peanut butter, however I will ask the nurse to get the jelly. I can see the jar in my head but the word won’t come out for anything. But if the jar is turned around with the label facing me then I can read it and say “may I have the jelly please”. Otherwise we could be sitting there for three weeks with me trying to get the word jelly out of my mouth. I can picture the object in my head but it’s as if the word is trapped.

I’m not accustomed to being believed. It was hard to admit how often it happens.

The nurse said this is related to the stroke. I thought I was just growing stupid with age. As it turns out, it’s not stupidity at all, but a symptom of something else.

Sometimes the words used to describe myself are a bit harsh.

When in bed, only in bed, primarily on my right side, heavier at the feet and head, my body jerks really hard, like really hard. Hard enough to wake me. I have a semi electric hospital bed, noise thing. I jerked really hard, slammed on the bed frame and woke the neighbor directly above me. We have paper thin walls, but still. Not sure if the doc is going to take that seriously or if it’s going to get brushed aside like many things appear to. I know when I lie down I’m going to have to deal with the hard jerking around. It seems to have increased lately. Interesting.

Faith

Pushing over the edge. Next step.

Posted on by F.Magdalene

It’s a difficult time right now. Stress is high enough that my body is killing me. Stress is high enough that I’ve trusted too much due to mental exhaustion.

I went running from the building bc I thought it was going to blow up. I thought God sent me a message telling me to get up and leave everything behind and flee. So I did. Only trouble was, it was late, late like 3 or 4 am.

I was rolling down the dark street away from the building bc I thought it was going to blow up but then in my head this line of reasoning came over me: If you trust Jehovah then you know he wouldn’t put you in danger. Go home. It was then I saw the guy bounce from the bushes towards me. I took off in my wheelchair screaming, trying to drive straight. I got to the porch and called “my brother” who is as exhausted and I.

never before have I thought I had a premonition so strong or felt it was from God. It was a strange thing. It’s never happened before.

I have talked until I’m blue in the face. It’s like a huge puzzle and I hate puzzles.

I don’t know what the next step is. I have hope though and that’s what I’ll keep in mind.

– Sundrip –

Out with the Hospital, in with the Clinic

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I made all my appointments at the hospital every six months since 2018 but it was time for a change. I’m seeing the same doctor just at a clinic associated with the hospital. I’m happy I made the change.

People spoke to each other in the clinic and it wasn’t about their fight, it was about the beauty red fox family in one yard, a family of bunnies in another yard and pet frogs at my house.

We talked about birds and insects. I talked about insects with two people I didn’t even know as well as the Merlin app that helps me identify what bird I can hear outside. Most of the time I can’t see it but I can hear it so I look it up and do a bit of reading on it. Anyway, it was nice talking to them.

How’s my body? The heat has my body flush. Using my own topical is more effective than voltaren cream. I can use mine just about anywhere and without a time limit. My vitals are in good shape. My weight loss medication appears to be working.

I was to go to intensive out patient eating disorder treatment for 8 weeks but I was unaware of the distance. I can do virtual therapy with them but not intensive outpatient in person for 8 weeks. The transfer and travel time would be brutal. I’ll talk to my pdoc about it. Also, I’ve not been that far from home on my own, in a wheelchair. I’m afraid.

I’ve yet to travel anywhere alone since being in this wheelchair. I was going to go two blocks down the street not 30 minutes one way. Also, I’ve read the reviews and I don’t need the shame. Instead of flat out no it’ll be “not right now with a heavy chance of no.” They need better reviews for me to put forth the type of effort I’ll need and to endure the physical pain I’ll endure while sitting up through the sessions and traveling.

Faith

Brief Medical Hospital Stay

Posted on by F.Magdalene

I’m home from a brief medical hospital stay but in the entry I’ve lead with emotional issues.

I have to admit I am emotionally excitable and I cry at the drop of a hat. Today I cried my eyes out concerning the CNA who left. I was crying because I hate being left. I hate the way she did it. She just walked out!

You know the company has lied (all the companies lie through their teeth up and down all the time). You mean to tell me they couldn’t find a lie this time so that her two weeks had advance notice? Lying is what they do. They couldn’t come up with something to make that transition easier instead of just boom she doesn’t work here anymore! and then for her to just walk in, I ask for breakfast she becomes irritated, says “don’t start with me. Today is not the day “ and walks out …….. it hurts deeply.

I’m so weepy today and I hate the fact that Mother’s Day is coming up cuz that’s all I’m seeing everywhere is Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day! I don’t even celebrate Mother’s Day but seeing it reminds me that my mother was mentally ill, cruel, unloving, and she left me too many times to count (saying it was my fault). My stomach hurts so badly. As heavy as that is, that isn’t why I was in the hospital.

I remembered something that will possibly help me move forward. This very materialistic, appearance conscious person, throws people away like candy wrappers. She can’t stand to be alone any length of time but if she can manipulate the support of others she’ll orchestrate an exit. The many exists she told me about we were while the person wasn’t home. It was planned behind their back. In other words, this is her MO. I’m just another piece of candy she got tired of and threw the wrapper on the ground. This is what she does.

It’s also hard knowing May 7th is the amputation anniversary date.

Hospital. I was in the hospital because of blood clots so painful I was writhing. My stomach turned violently but nothing came out. Violently! My complexion was off.

Of course they did every expensive test in the entire world and filled me with all sorts of stuff. But I come home with valuable information. I now have information that will help keep me out of the hospital so often. Sure wish I had it four months ago.

I was so exhausted when I came home that all I wanted to do was sleep. That did not happen. I had 5 necessary individuals to wait for, open the door and interact with before I could get some sleep. Coming home Friday was a long, long day.

Monday I’ll see my regular doctor. Wednesday I’ll see my Oncologist / Hematologist. I won’t get to talk to Dr D bc of medical appointments.

To keep me going I have the following:

  • Tears – They are cleansing. They are not a sign of weakness. They will help me expel toxins, relieve anxiety and stress.
  • I will have art – Get well cards for people at the Hall, my own artwork, doodling, any art
  • Letter writing – Nursing home individuals, others
  • Scripture, Prayer
  • Friends
  • Journaling – I have my written Journal, Gratitude Journal, Art Therapy Journal.

I will not abuse food or myself. My CNA will help me take all of my medications. She will help me to make sure I am doing all of my ADLs. And I’ll make it. It won’t be that long before I’m back on my feet emotionally and physically.

Thank you for reading.

Little Duck

Fear of Others Forgetting, Leaving, Criticizing.

Posted on by F.Magdalene

To most I don’t look nearly as unhealthy as I am. Will people move on and expect me to keep up bc they think I look like I can? Will people remember how bad it was physically and emotionally and have grace for me when I get messed up during anniversary times like May 7th?

I don’t think people get that just because it was 2018 that the raw fear hasn’t passed. I know my amputation is limited but it’s on top of everything else. The nerve damage is crazy. The nub is open again. Open but not infected. I’m requesting medical honey for it.

Without THC I hurt all day, every day. I’m trying to get used to being high in public.

I have nerve damage from the full mouth tooth extraction. It’s so painful I rock back and forth holding my mouth. It’s been what, 4 months since the dental surgery? Just like phantom pain in my foot, I have dental phantom pain.

I fear people will expect me to keep up in life. I don’t think I can. If I fall behind (or become mentally unwell) don’t want people to forget why then give up on me.

I’m not a slacker.

When I go to the store like today people ask why I’m in an electric chair. Old women find it OK to comment on how they see so many young people in the electric carts. They ask, what’s wrong with you that you need a cart? It’s not diabetes. It’s Lupus! Yes, different stages of Lupus can lead to kidney and vascular problems. Blood clots lead to amputation.

Days like today fluster me. I was flat out asked what’s wrong with me. I sit bc I have to. Life in a wheelchair is harder than walking. It hurts. I get pressure sores from sitting in the wheelchair. The muscles in the lower back begin to shorten and spasm. Carpal tunnel is a struggle. Life long constipation, etc, etc. Life in a wheelchair isn’t as healthy as walking.

Update – I have an active blood clot in my left hip. The right leg shows vascular issues. I’m not in jeopardy of losing it.

So, I guess it boils down to understanding. I want my friends to understand why I’m not ok sometimes. I don’t want to lose my help bc I appear healthy.

Lastly, I’d been saying I can’t survive anything else, especially an amputation, but I was wrong. I have a lot of fight left. It comes in waves. Sometimes my strength has to be mined like gold, but the payoff justifies the effort.

Joan