A simple black and white tree with branches that reach wide, up and out
open to color or satisfied with where he is at this stage of being.
A simple black and white tree ever growing, keeping his arms open to freedom and possibilities.
Will it bloom pink flowers or produce fruit in its season?
Will it stand by the water and drink its fill or
Create its place in the yard of a family to shade the loved ones inside?
It’s a simple sketch.
A simple black and white sketch.
Sometimes simple is exactly what we need.
Art Title: A Tree
Art by: Faith Magdalene Austin
Size: 9.5 x 14 on artists paper
Medium: Ink
Finish: Unsealed, unmounted, raw art
Style: Illustration, Organic
I draw trees a lot, a whole lot. Drawing trees or sunflowers is soothing for me. They’re my go to item when I’m emotional but clogged up and unable to express myself better. I think after drawing them I’m more relaxed which does allow me to either speak freely or paint with purpose.
This tree is one of my bare trees. I hardly ever draw them with leaves. I think I’m more interested in the intricacies of the branches than I am of the leaves. The bark on trees is a magnificent work of art and a nice hiding place for tiny little lives. Man, trees sustain so much life.
I’m old school, diagnosed in 1992 so I still call it MPD as well as Dissociative Identity Disorder. What ever you wish to call it one thing remains true – I’m not alone in my head.
The reason I’m writing today is because I visited a young woman who reminded me of how difficult it can be to feel as if nothing belongs solely to me. As time passed and therapy got deeper there was a decrease in the resentment I felt for constantly living as many.
Keep in mind please, that in order to develop Dissociative Identity Disorder / Multiple Personality Disorder, there must be major trauma in the child’s life. The word trauma is an important one because it doesn’t have to be abuse that triggers the extreme dissociative response. I personally know a young man who feels he first split while under going constant excruciating medical care as a child. No matter if it was long term abuse or other long term traumas, the mind will try to protect itself.
I know as a child nothing at all was mine. My body wasn’t mine, my thoughts weren’t mine, my actions were determined by what trauma was taking place. I had no freedom and no control over anything. So now I’m a multiple and still nothing is my own.
Let me discuss that for a second. I have always understood that each of us alters has split from the original personality. Yes, we feel very strongly separate from who we call the “original” personality but we do know we all originate from her. Moving on.
Think about never having a single, solitary moment to yourself. How do you think that would feel? When you eat at the table, type entries such as this, when you walk the dog, or take a bath the alters are with you. Your thoughts aren’t private, they’re heard by the inside personalities called alter personalities. Sometimes they chat among themselves, just stuff, but the incessant talking can become very troublesome if not managed in therapy. When I sit in therapy, take a bubble bath, read a book, paint, sit in the dark, use the restroom, brush my teeth, close the blinds, on and on and on there’s always someone else with whom I must share that moment.
At first this was a big issue for me but as I said, I’ve been in therapy for a long time. Gracious, I feel like a veteran. LOL, but I know these emotions are legitimate and that they do gradually become less of a burden when managed by a licensed professional.
I need to be clear on one thing. We didn’t choose this and neither did the alter personalities. Though some multiples have parts/alters that are difficult, many of us do not. I have alters that work together for the most part. In the beginning we were all over the place. Good gracious!! That was horrible. We could not get it together for the world. We didn’t understand that there was a whole system (group) of us and that what one alter does affects the others. For instance, lets say Alter A came out and thought it would be ok to give intimate details of our life to my birth mother. That alter may not remember how bad it was at home so speaking to my mother wouldn’t be as traumatizing for her. However, since she is not the only alter here, the difficulty falls on Alter B, C and D.
It took quite a long time before we all realized, on whatever level we could, that we share this body, this mind. Everything we do or don’t do affects the others in the system. Getting up and moving to Texas isn’t a decision we all made, but we were all affected by it. Promiscuity wasn’t a decision we all made, but we all felt degraded by it. We are not alone in this head of ours.
The drawings included were created in 2010. They illustrate the life of a multiple. What’s interesting to me is how one piece shows a whole group holding hands with a sunflower behind them. It’s almost like a show of solidarity, a solidarity that includes the original personality.
I’m always just strokes away from finishing a project, it’s the same with the painting Twelve. I have a hand full of tiny details to do, then she will be finished. After her I’ll work on one more of my pieces about this size then move into the larger paintings. The two paintings up next are at the end of the post.
My studio looks like the spoils of a police stings from the war on art supplies. I can just see a police officer putting his foot on my chair, and holding an extra large paint brush as he takes a selfie.
Perhaps it’s only that great to me. I may be a bit biased but I love my little studio and I love the
As long as I paint it’ll never be clean. May it never be clean.
privacy of it. My living room used to share space with the studio but I really don’t want everyone and their brother to see every single thing I paint every time I paint something. Besides, I can destroy this little corner by painting one 5 x 7. I don’t want people to see how bad it actually gets when I start working. Having it in my bedroom gives me privacy which gives me the comfort to paint and hang whatsoever I please. Continue reading “Progress on Twelve and Studio”
I tried everything I could to photograph, scan or whatever to get this painting to show its true face. I thought because of its online presentation it might be with me awhile, not so.
Passion Flower She now has a wall of her own.
Passion Flower will go to its new home and will take along with it the little girl with the funny feet called Dandelion Fields. These two paintings now have a wall of their own.
Daiseys Valley Pay it Forward
Is my dry spell over? Let us hope so. No matter what, I will keep painting and posting.
Recently I started reading more poetry blogs along with survivor blogs. I can’t help myself, poetry and art blogs are addictive. I’m happy I can’t be seen reading. Lol. Sometimes my hand covers my mouth in shock, something I turn off the tablet, roll to the side and cry. The worst is when I leave a comment. They’re usually full of emotion, very alive! Later I’m a little embarrassed I was so emotional but that doesn’t stop me from returning. Lol Continue reading “Art and the explosion of emotion”
Ah, it’s time to start really thinning things out at home. I’ve tackled one corner of my room that has been bugging me for a good long time. It’s the space where I hold all my old art journals and writing journals.
A person can only have so much art before it starts to come out of places it shouldn’t, so I’m cleaning out the studio. Here’s what I’m doing, as much as it hurts to do so, some complete art journals are being tossed out while some are being kept. Some that are being thrown away have drawings taken out of them that I’ll keep.
As far as the journals that are being kept, they’re being stored in a waterproof and air tight container. The individual pieces are stored in a filing system thingamabob. In a day or two I will start scanning the individual pieces then put them up on Etsy.
I saw my psychiatrist today. We talked about the suicidal feelings. She asked if I feel suicidal at the Kingdom Hall. I said no, I feel like I can make it one more day. She and my psychologist suggested I stick close to the brothers and sisters. but especially try my best to be there in person.
I know my attitude stinks. I’ve got to pray much more about that……
Dr. D and I are taking on an art project where I let my body speak. Often I form experiences and emotions on canvas but they’re from my head. They’re all but photographs of my mind at that time. The rather large therapy painting will be a painting where body expresses itself as it goes through medical changes.
Imagine not speaking the language of anyone around you. Pictures are all you’ve got to tell how you experience the world, the world where there is only one person, one physical being. Now that body has to try and free itself of silence so that bitterness is released. It needs to speak and I can tell and I have a feeling this assignment will be very emotional, humbling and beneficial. I think I’ll have a sense of freedom. I think it’ll give me relief.
I paint with my heart and all but bleed on canvas. Painting is a powerful way to release anxiety and thoughts that pound my skull. While art as a whole is therapeutic for me, there are certain pieces that were created specifically as therapy with my psychologist. As I thin out the amount of art in my home, I’d like to make available on a continued basis, some of the art pieces created during my therapy sessions or at a later time.
As I said, art therapy has been one of the most powerful tools in my healing process. I can’t explain to you the relief I feel knowing that some of my abuse memories have lost their sting when I was professionally guided with the tool of art therapy.
What if you like a painting but you don’t want it mounted on the board or you wish to remove an embellishment on an art piece? Well, let me tell you how.
Let’s start with this painting as an example. This is called Blues Garden. The painting is an emotional art therapy piece created in blue, gray and rose, with a wash. I’ve drawn a young woman with her head to the side and several flowers around her. I do like this painting, especially framed, but I have mixed feelings concerning the largest sunflower at the bottom. First of all, I put it there because to hide the words “No Peace” written in white crayon.
Lets say a buyer likes the art, but too has reservations about the sunflower. Well, lets show how to remove it.
Before you begin, you must figure out if the embellishment has been given a permanent seal or is raw such as the sunflower in the painting Blues Garden. Some embellishments, dye cuts, stickers and additions look best without a seal and are on the final art piece in their raw, natural form. Other additions have an obvious finish. You should not attempt to remove these as it will tear the image. Continue reading “How to Remove Unwanted Embellishments and Stickers”
I remember saying I wasn’t going to do dolls anymore. I just couldn’t get into it the way I was. Something interesting happened though, a woman who purchased a doll from me in 2009 contacted me to ask if I still make dolls. She wanted the doll to look a certain way. At first I was nervous because I thought, how am I going to make a doll when my head is a total mess and my body is running on the fumes of fumes. Still, I said yes. I’m happy I did. I really needed to remember that I can still make a quality doll.
I was concerned about making her without a down payment because a few doll sales fell through. I was a bit cautious but with a down payment in hand I went ahead and made her doll.
Just like before, no pattern was used. I used my machine to sew the main parts of the lower body. The head was sewn by hand. She is painted from head to toe by hand. Her face is hand drawn and painted. Her hair is two different types of yarn that give it a nice dark texture. Continue reading “African American Art Doll. African Inspired Custom Order.”
This entry shows art two art pieces with a purpose. Rise, fall if I must. Stand to meet the challenge. What’s the challenge? I’ve got to get a hold of my stinking thinking. I have to change my outlook one single color at a time if necessary. While writing I felt a sense of urgency and desperation. I could all but see myself at a door grabbing the handle and pulling it, ripping at.
Lets talk more about the art at the root of these emotions.
Landfall
Creating non objective abstract art started with a self challenge in June of 2014. I really wanted to create some of the beautiful art I was seeing, but it didn’t think I had it in me to do that type of art. When I first challenged myself I said I’d do 10 paintings. I wasn’t looking forward to it because it was as if I had no idea where to start, let alone know how to finish.
Though I’m still learning, I can say I have left behind the anxiety. I enjoy it creating non-objective abstract art. I find it soothing to create and I actually feel I know when to start. As a matter of fact I start non-objective abstract such as “Landfall” the same way I begin other art, with a single stroke.
I don’t think too hard and I sure don’t plan ahead. When it comes to art, if I plan ahead then I’m planning for a disaster. I start art with one single stroke and go from there. I paint from the hip…..not literally because that would be uncomfortable. My next challenge with abstracts is to paint them larger. Continue reading “Landfall Abstract Ocean Scene”
A simple black and white tree with branches that reach wide, up and out
I draw trees a lot, a whole lot. Drawing trees or sunflowers is soothing for me. They’re my go to item when I’m emotional but clogged up and unable to express myself better. I think after drawing them I’m more relaxed which does allow me to either speak freely or paint with purpose.
