You know what? I did better with boundaries and setting limits than I first remembered. I originally looked back at the year with the old CNA and saw how many times I drew the line. The first thing was how she would shoo me away with the back of her…
Year: 2024
A Gentle Youngen. Updated.
My new CNA is a gentle youngen with a strained home life. I like her. She likes my cat despite being black lol. Joe screamed at her the whole day though, trying to get her attention. He really wants her attention. I had to threaten him with the spray bottle…
Eating Disorder Clinic. Outpatient Care Only.
Today I started care at the eating disorder clinic for abstinence and binge eating. I didn’t feel judged at all. I didn’t feel like my size disgusted them. I know not eating for 3 days is a problem but I didn’t realize it would be something to try to make…
OCD and Eating Disorders. Art.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Eating Disorders occur together up to 40% of the time. My OCD and my eating disorder have gone untreated because there were other things that took first place like getting me emotionally stable so I could stay out of the psych ward, moving to stable housing,…
Fear of Others Forgetting, Leaving, Criticizing.
To most I don’t look nearly as unhealthy as I am. Will people move on and expect me to keep up bc they think I look like I can? Will people remember how bad it was physically and emotionally and have grace for me when I get messed up during…
What Keeps Me Awake – Fear of letting go
My mind will catch up with me if I turn over and go to sleep. Grief will catch up with me if I allow my mind to slow down. I’m afraid of the images that are so vivid even with my eyes closed so I watch worthless TV shows and…
Father. Art.
I keep sighing. My heart is heavy but I keep trying to lift it up. The fatigue is insane. I’m learning so much about how OCD affects my life and how it affected my mother and sister. I don’t know why I keep thinking about my father. I remember his…
Life Today
My hospital bed allows me to sleep well. I can lift the head and feet which helps me rest. Joe turned 15 on the first. Come April my CNA will have been here for a full year. She treats me well. I have a CNA on Saturday too. I like…
Relentless Grief – A History of Madness
Content – Physical sbuse with some details. Sexual abuse. No details. I suddenly put 2 significant memories with the memory of the abuse of K. What does it all mean now? My mother used to giggle as she told us the story of our pet dog trying to bite her…
Relentless Grief
CONTENT – Suicide. Abuse with few specifics. High emotion and anger. Not a light entry. I stayed in bed three days with the lights out. I fed the animals and went back to bed. The world felt too big and too dark. Now I’m in the weeping side of grief….