It’s sobering to think that no matter what we do or don’t do, bad things happen, sometimes in rapid succession. There’s an historic example of a man who lost loved ones, employees, finances and his health in no time flat. When I think about his life before disasters struck, I…
Year: 2023
On Calling Home
The Avascular necrosis gets pretty bad. Despite glasses and beginning to lose 30 pounds, my eyesight continues to be a problem because of Pseudotumor cerebri. Sometimes I can’t see with or without the glasses. Peripheral vision is zero which makes interacting with people at the store very difficult. Unless the…
Post Vacation Blues
Deeply Sad. Anxious. Empty. Unmotivated. Withdrawn. Fragile. Longing for my mother. When I returned home I was exhausted emotionally and physically but I didn’t expect to feel deeply sad or to begin to miss my biological family. Right now I miss the idea of who my mother should have been….
This Body and Mind on Vacation
There’s no one word to describe the trip. I’ll try to list a few: successful, physically painful all the way up to excruciating. I was joyful, energized. The trip was sobering with quite a few insightful moments. I laughed a lot. No tears at all. Driving down and back was…
Suicide. Secrets. Imaginary boxes.
Subject matter – No details of anything but I do talk about where I am with grief. Very emotional…. I’m all over the place today. Today my CNA asked about K. I basically just said that sometimes young people don’t have enough life experience to fully understand “this too shall…
How My Head Works. Worth the Fight.
I can’t believe I left the “T” out when sketching. LOL In my defense, I was in the hospital. I had to slide the “T” in as best I could. I’ve not heard back for my primary doctor to clarify if he wants me 100% non weight bearing now or…
Sobering Concerns. Uncertainty. Self Doubt
I was in the hospital worried for my new family and my friends who have been through the storm with me. How can I ask them to stick this out, again? I feel guilty about the news I got from test results. I wasn’t expecting it at all. A downloaded…
Highly Dissociative. Stand Still. ED.
I’m dissociating more than usual, losing time is a real problem. I’m so triggered by everything right now that I took a short break from homecare. They’ll return Monday with the same caliber individual that prompted this much needed break. There are things that need to be accomplished like arranging…
Art. Set Backs. Forward Bound.
I was able to add three paintings to my Etsy shop. I’ve got a fourth painting coming soon. I’ve been able to lean heavily on art to help with anxiety which continues to be very high. One reason for high anxiety is a health issue. I’m not going to attempt…
I guess it’s not that bad
Picture me rollin. These are a few things I can do now that I have an electric wheelchair. I’m sitting up higher and can better make eye contact with people who are standing. This means a great deal to mme. I hated always looking up to people instead of eye…