On Calling Home

The Avascular necrosis gets pretty bad. Despite glasses and beginning to lose 30 pounds, my eyesight continues to be a problem because of Pseudotumor cerebri. Sometimes I can’t see with or without the glasses. Peripheral vision is zero which makes interacting with people at the store very difficult. Unless the person is directly in front of me I can’t see them. While shopping at Kroger I’ve never said so many times – Excuse me. I apologize. I can’t see you very well.

As I began to think of possible surgeries for brain stints and hip replacements it occurred to me that even though I have a medical directive for a person to speak for me if I can’t speak for myself, I’m going to need a next of kin. I called my aunt.

The hour and a half phone call was encouraging in a way. When I said to my aunt, I have Pseudotumor cerebri with papilledema, she responded by saying, “So does your sister. She has 2 brain stints and will get a 3rd next year.” Evidently she has bad headaches too bc of the pressure in her brain. She’s got vascular issues in her legs too, also primarily the left side.

Hearing that my sister is suffering with these same issues made me righteously indignant. She’s not a nice person to start with so there’s that. But she’s my big sister. She survived my mother, too. She was harmed by a man who then left her for dead. If that’s not enough she has to battle Pseudotumor cerebri with papilledema. Why? Why!?

I talked to both aunts who live together. They still travel a lot. Australia and New Zealand were most recent.

It was a productive conversation. I don’t know how they’re feeling now, a few days after the phone call. I’ll ask before Wed evening when I talk to Dr D again.

It’s a lie to say I miss them. I don’t know them. I’m angry my family is torn to shreds, like most families now days. I’m sad about the family carnage.

I honestly feel lost w the Pseudotumor. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never said so often, “I’m sorry, I can’t see you.” Trying to drive the buggy at Kroger today was a shameful joke.

You know what I can see? I can see my progress in better organizing a corner that holds various plants.

It’s very pretty to me. 🙂

So much better than before. It might look cluttered to some but I really like this corner. I used 3 of my abstract art pieces as junk hiders. They’re lined next to the clock. I like those.

Ok. I think I’m ready to sleep. I still put it off like a 5 yr old.