Year: 2016

Chicken

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I chickened out. I couldn’t stop crying inside. Not a tear came out of my eye but it felt like I was all folded up inside. It took one moment to push me over an edge I was already on. I canceled, couldn’t do it. We’ll talk on the phone again instead.

loser. emotional carnage, tired. i have therapy tomorrow. so stupid. but we’ll get it back together. we would have sat there and cried the whole time.

the house looks really good. i got the bedroom closet finished. it’s all organized now. i did the utility closet too.

me

On the Walls

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A messy studio is art work on it’s own.

Messy studio FB group

I believe that and so does the Messy Art Studio group I joined on Facebook.

I’m working with a 9 x 10 space, which is half of my bedroom. I can’t complain about the size of my room! It works well for me. What’s not shown is the closet which holds a lot of my sewing materials. I’m in love with Dollar Tree. I got most of my bins from there. Continue reading “On the Walls”

A Quiet Day and The Need to Be Needed

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growing-in-fmaToday is a quiet kind of day. I’m a tad bit on the depressed side. I think the poem is heavier in truth than anticipated. I just starting typing and stopped when I was done.

Monday will be here quickly and it’ll be time for therapy again.

I’m physically tired with very swollen feet. I’ve had them propped up for awhile. It hurts to walk.

I’ve got a few financial concerns but in the end things seems to work out. Every bill is paid in full. The cat has food, Pete has food and Pickle will have more on Tuesday.

Continue reading “A Quiet Day and The Need to Be Needed”

My first and most intimate lessons in communication

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Jester
Jester

This is a borrowed conversation.

I listened to the first 3 min of a video where a person was talking about how well they treated their significant other, but it wasn’t appreciated. I could only bear a few min of it. What got me the most was that she said, I’m not perfect but, you guys know me, ……..” I figure, if a person starts a conversation with, “I’m not perfect but…” then you can be pretty sure they’ve done something they need to apologize for. What she said in those few minutes got me thinking about the way I think and the way I communicate.

My first and most intimate lessons in communication had to do with figuring out what was expected of me from a woman who had a singular agenda that did not include me. My first and most intimate lessons in communication included weaving in and around insults or crafting my statements to avoid being accused of disobedience. My chief instructor, the person responsible for every aspect of my life, was crazy.

I walked thin lines and broke them repeatedly. I’d go over in my head how to do it better, say it better, how to keep from being a disappointment. I was one of those kids that tried all sorts of creative ways to be who she needed to be. I couldn’t figure it out because I was missing one piece of information; her agenda doesn’t include you.

It is clear to me that youth was nothing more than a performance lacking true emotion and conviction.

After taking my freedom, after being in therapy half of my life, I still struggle to show on my face what I’m feeling inside. I use words or I paint to explain myself. I can be suicidal and laugh in the same conversation, but this time I know to tell the person ahead of time that I’ve not broken the conditioning in this area. I have to tell them to listen to what I’m saying, please don’t look at my smiling face.

Continue reading “My first and most intimate lessons in communication”

Imminent Danger Seek Shelter – Crikey!

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That was a long, long night. I woke at 2 pm when my friend Snow knocked on the door.

I didn’t have to go to the basement again last night, but it was a mess over here all last night. I was happy the phone held its charge.

The messages (plural) that made me grab my cat and go said Imminent Danger Seek Shelter Immediately. Ya know, a girl can’t really ignore that. It was pretty bad.

No deaths that I’m aware of, not here in my complex either. But there is damage to cars and windows from hail. There’s water damage from windows being broken. Not pretty. Nothing in my apartment is ruined.

Continue reading “Imminent Danger Seek Shelter – Crikey!”

I’m back

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The lights have gone out. We have tornado warnings and sirens going off left and right. Mary Jane and I are in good hands. She’s in a carrier with me in the basement of the building. It’s gonna rain hard over here but I doubt we’ll have anything touch down, however, since yesterday the sirens have been going off and I have gotten a few warnings of “take cover” on my phone so that’s what I’m doing.
Don’t know how long the electricity will be off. I’ve got my phone, emergency pack…and snacks. I’m hungry. We’ll be sitting here for a bit.

Update: Uh, finally back upstairs. There’s only hail minor damage, nothing huge, it’ll get fixed by the landlord. We’re good.

Inspiration for the painting ‘Father and Child’

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The inspiration came from a photo of me with a kitten called Grace. We napped on the sofa together and a friend took a photo. That photo inspired the painting Father and Child.

Sometimes art isn’t all that deep. It doesn’t come from a secret hurt or a wound without a cure. It’s just art, such is Father and Child. Available only on Redbubble.

Grace and Austin

“Father and Child” was created with my computer mouse, stroke by stroke. They’re laying together in a sea shell of sorts and covered with royal garments. They sleep outside under a perfect sky with trees native to their home. As they hold hands they share this peaceful moment. The original post with close up photos can be seen by clicking this link on Sundrip.

Faith

Art Moves

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Monet Moved to Love

Do you understand my art on your own terms? That’s what I’m looking for when people see my art, a connection that says, I have to take this piece home. Do you discuss it with others because it moved you to speak? That’s what I hope for when I create an art piece. Are you moved to love? True art always moves to love.

Two Etsy treasuries have included an abstract painting of mine. It’s encouraging when others see my art and look at it with an open heart. I appreciate it.

Bronze - available
Bronze – available

Available on Etsy or via PayPal.

Faith

The Invisible Life

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Masked, vulnerability, strength, endurance, determination, ambiguity, helpless, small, insignificant, rock hard, aggressive, assertive, grief, please see me, invisible, property, youth, old soul, wise soul, lava of the mind, focus.

Faith

Sundrip Moves Forward with New Galleries

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Since the integration of The People Behind My Eyes with my artwork, I’ve continued trying to make improvements. I’ve attempted to simplify where possible, clean up links and rearrange galleries.

Several galleries have been renamed and reworked, one gallery was deleted and 4 added. I’ve updated the primary About page and included a statement page concerning my desire to keep separate from hatred and division. The statement page called Community Sensibilities is nested under About Me. The menu bar at the top will come in very handy when viewing Sundrip.

Community Sensibilities
* Available Art *
* Featured Art *
Abstract Art
African Americana
Art for and About Children
Art Therapy
Digital Art
Nature and People

The menu bar at the top will come in very handy when viewing Sundrip. You’ll be able to visit the location you choose without having to search all over the place. Checking categories and tags will assist individuals who desire to read on a certain topic within the site.  Of course there’s the part about buying artwork. You’ll find that information by clicking the link called Galleries. That’s the Frequently Asked Questions page.

Even though there are changes with more to come, much will remain untouched. I will continue to blog about the recovery stages a survivor of abuse cycles, as well as the potentially debilitating effects PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder can have on a person’s life. The constant changes as the result of chronic pain associated with Lupus, Fibromyalgia and Spinal Stenosis will accompany entries about my therapy sessions, art therapy and interpersonal relationships. To be sure, my art will continue to be influenced by all these things.

As for the stability of the website itself, my Web Mistress and her hubby are working on moving Sundrip to a more stable host. This should take place early next month. Dream Host hasn’t been the most fun I’ve ever had.

Thank you for visiting SUNDRIP – Art for Life.
Faith