Faith Magdalene's Sundrip

Sunflowers: Breaking The Mold

Posted on May 29, 2025May 29, 2025 by F.Magdalene

I went outside the box and made her a red sunflower. I’m still working on the shape and size of the flower.

Going from yellow to red – black is a major “out of my comfort zone” type of sunflower, one I rarely do. I believe I’ve painted one single fully black sunflower but no more. I usually paint bright yellow sunflowers. While Mammoth Sunflowers are my favorite there are so many others to explore. I need a new short term art interest and finding new sunflowers to paint is it.

Sunflowers make me happy. Right now my heart is less than happy. I need to do something about that. I need sunflowers, lots of sunflowers. Bring on the sunflowers!

Faith Magdalene’s Sundrip

Steady. Unsteady. Park.

Posted on May 24, 2025May 24, 2025 by F.Magdalene

The paint brush is steady.

I am not. So I keep painting.

Part of the problem is I really need a service dog. I’m willing to try again, even after the disaster that was. I said I’d give it a month to see if I still pine for a dog. It’s been a long month. I still need a service dog that doesn’t bite!

I just keep painting.

I’m working out some of the issues and planning the background and color scheme. I’ve revisited Little Black Bird as well as a few other bird related pieces.

Tomorrow I’m going to breakfast with a friend but most of the day I’m painting and working with the collection of plants. I named my home “Austin Park”. I suppose I should paint a nice little sign. I’d like that.

Until soon

Faith Magdalene

Paranoia, Fear, OCD and Art

Posted on May 18, 2025May 18, 2025 by F.Magdalene

My caregivers take me in the community regularly. They assume their presence is enough to keep me calm and feeling safe and grounded. I’d say the statement is 75% true. My anxiety after being stalked has risen. It wasn’t a joke. It wasn’t a game. It was a lot longer than a year! And it was violent and intense! I’m happy to be safe now.

I’m not paranoid in my new home any more than I’ve ever been paranoid. I don’t think being stalked changed that level. I’m back to my old fears, obsessions and compulsions in the new place. Like always I’ve kicked into my coping skills.

Reality check – Can I validate my fears? Are they in the realm of possibility?

Grounding. Remind myself of who I am and that I’m safe. My name is XYZ. I’m X yrs old. I’m safe now! I have an friends, an apartment and most of all a future!

Stimulation / Distraction. It’s time to switch the channels. I have a small vile with me that has the tiniest little bit of lavender in it. It’s my on the run aromatherapy. I also carry a small scratch pad to sketch in because art works for me. Earthing, sitting by the fan or just going outside can help eleviate stress and get it back down to a manageable level.

I would not normally suggest using a tablet at the table in a restaurant but I do it regularly now. I’ve done it in line at Ross because the line was long. The new Five Bellow needs to open more registers but this entry isn’t about that LOL. I sketch at any time, any place in order to control the anxiety, especially if I’ve already tried lavender.

Usually by this time the CNA has picked up on my sketching and starts to ask questions. She kicks into CNA mode and we move to the side for just a bit.

There are times when I can catch my breath and we can proceed but other times I just want to go home. In the car my pen moves like crazy.

OCD Getting all my teeth pulled was the single best thing I could have done. The tooth brush was simply too much.

Bidet. Yeah, should have done this a long time ago, too. It’s difficult to use the restroom. Difficult to clean up especially if there are issues.

The disorder is not fun. I’m trying to manage. I see the new psychiatrist August. That feels like… is... forever.

Faith Magdalene

Belly

Posted on May 18, 2025May 18, 2025 by F.Magdalene

Is there even a comfortable position for people with inflamed kidneys? I’ve not found it.

Because I am now predibedic, I’m going to ask my doctor for the DEXCOM system. I’m a 7 but it’s still a problem and we want it worked on.

Faith Magdalene

Abstract it is not

Posted on May 17, 2025May 17, 2025 by F.Magdalene

I started working on an abstract sunflower when she was born. I went with it. It was more fun than the free flow of thought I intended to release.

I’ll work on this piece for a bit, which is on canvas, and maybe a small abstract still. We’ll see. I’m happy I didn’t give up!

Live Free. Create Well.

Faith MMagdalene

Baby Black Bird

Posted on May 12, 2025May 12, 2025 by F.Magdalene

Zuri is a female juvenile redwing blackbird still new in her wings. Landing is still difficult, thus the broken wing.

Zuri isn’t alone, I too am having difficulties. I can’t seem to finish the flowers on this painting or manage the sky above. I need to redo her arms. I’m so dissatisfied with them.

The art piece is very textured, shaded, layered and embellished. Which means there’s more than the main image itself. There will be many aspects to enjoy once she’s completed.

I’m not going back easel. I’m too frustrated. I’m going to break from her, do an abstract and revisit.

Until soon

Faith Magdalene

Hormonal Shift. Spinning Wheels.

Posted on May 8, 2025May 9, 2025 by F.Magdalene

Lord, iI’m having hot flashes again, several an hour. And I’m itching. And I’m even more fatigued. I sure hope I don’t go back to anger overdrive because I stopped using Delta 8. I won’t be medicated nice anymore.

I was at a restaurant the other day and a woman said she was tired and asked if she could sit on my lap. I told her the chair is one of necessity not of convenience. She apologized then went on. I was highly irritated!! Perhaps more than I should have been. Even now it still sends me! I guess I’m just over here chillin’ sitting down resting.

Hopefully during this particular hormonal shift of hot flashes I’ll get to bypass the worst of my attitude and just stick to the physical thrashing of Menopause!

People do not get to put down life changes just because of medical difficulties.

I think I understand something about my wheelchair. I’m proud to use my manual wheelchair because I SURVIVED to use it. So in my head it’s a symbol of strength, not weakness. But to most of the world I’m just handicapped.

Maybe I’m just a girl in a wheelchair at a Vietnamese restaurant whose lap you can sit on if you’re tired?

I wish that hadn’t hurt so bad. There’s a lot of prayer to be done. I have to let this go.

Faith Magdalene

I Can Feel That

Posted on May 5, 2025May 5, 2025 by F.Magdalene

If I don’t drink all 64 oz of water a day as the doctor requested I feel my left kidney protest. It hurts.

After months of abstinence, I had a cheeseburger. I went to McDonald’s of all places. I can feel my left kidney protest. Holding my side, what was I thinking?

In general I qfeel physically weak, puny, chilled and tired.

Since I slipped a bit this week, I’d like to remind myself it’s only Monday. Keep at it. Don’t give up even for a minute.

I know I don’t feel well but I won’t stay down. I intend to do everything the doctor asks me to do as well as possible. I have a winning spirit. I intend to win this battle, too. My left kidney is currently unhealthy. It hurts. It slows me down even more and makes moving that much harder.

The quality of my blood is poor, too. I’ll know my numbers Wednesday. That’s when I go to Hematology / Oncology for my tests for other things. It’ll be interesting to see what my numbers are. By interesting I mean scary. They can’t be good.

Faith Magdalene

Project Reflections

Posted on May 4, 2025May 4, 2025 by F.Magdalene

I clearly remember the first and last brush strokes of the painting, More Than A Clown.. They were equally moving.

By the time I got the features together I remember the feeling this project was huge, different, emotionally powerful.

I was going to to have to tell a story in color, on her face. A story of someone not taken seriously, not listened to , unseen by people who refused to see. I was going to paint it all; including the parts where they laughed thinking they’d won.

The last expression would be through her hair. Red, blue and purple flames licked the sky all around. The flames licked but did not scorch in the garden where she stood. The name of the garden is Hope. As it is said, “You only start a garden if you hope to see it grow.”

The young woman knows she holds hope in her hands…. and sunflower seeds. I knew I’d have to paint all my that. And I I did. I know it’s a deep piece but ha! it’s her truth and mine.

Live Free. Create Well.

Faith Magdalene’s Sundrip